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A Question Concerning Homosexuality

Q: How should we be engaging and responding to the gay marriage debate, as Christians? I know what I believe as a Bible believing Christian, but how do we show that stance, in love? How do you think the civil recognition of gay marriage affects our spiritual definition and our culture. You must admit with the current divorce rate, in and out of the Church, the meaning of "marriage" is already watered down. Is this a battle the Church has already lost in our society? In my experience, I'm often quieted by words like "bigot", "narrow-minded" and "right wing kook", but I want to be bold in speaking and upholding the Truth, in a loving way, even when we are "losing the battle" on moral issues like this and abortion (to name a couple).

A: Another great question. Definitely a difficult one. The difficulty is not the interpretive issue. It's because the "debate" is often so inflammatory. The name-calling that the Questioner refers to above as the quieting remarks made in the middle of conversation/argument are not uncommon.

Part of the issue (only part), is that this particular debate touches on issues of "identity." It's deeper than simply discussing conduct. A common cliché is touted by Christians that "God loves the sinner, but hates the sin." This bumper sticker theology doesn't really fit with what the Bible teaches. (See Psalm 5:4-5, especially the last half of verse 5, for example.) Even still, discussions of homosexuality often blur this line between conduct and identity. Many homosexuals that I've had conversations with identify themselves with their particular sin. Put another way: they don't view homosexuality as a behavior but as their identity. It's not what they do. It's who they are.

As a result, even if (and that's a big if!) the Christian is conducting themselves in perfect love and kindness, the person to whom you are discussing these matters, especially if they are themselves a homosexual, likely hear you calling them a name when you say that homosexuality is wrong/sinful. It's not a conversation about ideas or theology. It's a personal attack. Therefore, name calling on their end is simply a response to what they hear from you. Even if you're not intentionally calling them names or being inflammatory. Communication is a two-way street. What we mean to communicate and what we actually communicate are not always the same.

Sometimes when we think we are communicating the truth in love, we are actually communicating hostility. There aren't easy solutions to this communication problem because it's not one-sided. The conversation is loaded.

If my identity is wrapped up in my sexual orientation and you say that this orientation is wrong, then you are saying I'm wrong. No one likes to be told they're wrong. Especially about something that is deeply ingrained in who they are. A possible analogy would be someone telling you that your eye color is sinful.

What's interesting (to me, anyway) is that this particular sinful disposition creates responses of biblical proportion when the truth is spoken.

What I mean is this: when Jesus and the Apostles preached the gospel and told the world about sin, the world wanted to kill them for it. Now, often when the church (in America) preaches about sin... no one cares. Why?

I think the reason for this, at least in some part, is that we have separated Jesus' understanding - which He taught to the disciples - of the nature of human beings. We are evil. Every one of us. Not just homosexuals. Heterosexuals, too. All of us. To our very core and the deepest part of our being.


This was Jesus' message. The perfect example of One who always spoke the truth in love.

In Jesus' sermon recorded in Matthew 5-7, He is speaking to a crowd. He was explaining the character of God. He contrasts this against the character of the people listening:

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! (Matthew 7:11, NASB)

God is good. Humans are evil.

Jesus addressed the Pharisees. By their conduct and religious zeal they were considered to be the holiest people on Earth at the time. The name ("Pharisee") implies that they are set apart in holiness. Jesus told them they were evil.

"You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. (Matthew 12:34, NASB)

This would be like Jesus walking up to a Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and the Pope and telling them they are evil.

That's bold.

We must always remember that the world didn't love Jesus. They hated Him. A riotous mob called for the release of a known murderer so that they could brutally execute Jesus on a Roman cross. Jesus explained why the world hated Him so much then. By extension, when the world really understands His message it still hates Him and His followers today:

This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. (John 3:19, NASB)

The world cannot hate you, but it hates Me because I testify of it, that its deeds are evil. (John 7:7, NASB)

Here's an interesting thing that Jesus said to His disciples. Notice how He tells them to love each other. Then He prepares them to be hated in return:

This I command you, that you love one another. If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. (John 15:17-18, NASB)


Many people who claim to follow Jesus and the teaching of the Scripture try to tell you that if people hate your message, then you must be doing something wrong. Jesus, however, said if you love one another and speak the truth - God's truth - the world will respond to your love for them by hating you. That's what they did to Jesus.

They crucified the Lord of life. They crucified the Prince of peace. They crucified love incarnate. Why would they like you?

Here's the thing: The whole world is evil. Not just homosexuals. But certainly including them. In writing about Jews and Greeks, Paul said something that would be just as true if we replaced these terms with "homosexual" and "heterosexual":


If the price of rebellion and sin is death and  subsequently hell, then the only loving thing to do is to speak the truth. It is more loving to shout the truth than to keep silent under the guise of "tolerance" and "love them" directly into hell.

The truth is, homosexuality is a sin.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10, NASB)

Of course, homosexuality is not the only sexual sin on that list. Fornication and adultery are both listed as well. God is serious about sexual morality all throughout the Scriptures. Some people make a big deal about homosexuality being particularly heinous in the sight of God. I believe this case is scripturally sound. My opinion of why God is so serious about this particular sin is as follows:

In fornication, humans are rejecting part of God's plan for sexual morality in that they are being irresponsible and merely gratifying the lusts of their flesh. In adultery, humans are rejecting part of God's plan for sexual morality in that they are being unfaithful and impure. In homosexuality, however, humans are rejecting God's plan for sexual morality entirely (see Romans 1:24-27). They are making reproduction an impossibility. They are denying the essence of why "God made them male and female."

For this reason, it is loving to tell homosexuals to repent and believe the gospel. But it's also loving to tell heterosexuals to repent and believe the gospel, too. Everyone is just as much in need of a Savior as everyone else.

This is a good lead-in to the second question listed above. How do I think the civil recognition of gay marriage affects our spiritual definition and our culture? I am not all that interested in making an economic or political argument against changing the definition of marriage. That is not my area of expertise. Instead, I encourage anyone who is interested to simply read through Romans 1:18-32 to see why I, as a Christian, believe this is so dangerous. I don't want to live as an individual or as a nation under the wrath of God. Therefore, I don't want to suppress the truth (Romans 1:18) or approve of those who practice godlessness (Romans 1:32).

God has established families. I don't think it is wise to attempt to change His design.

The Questioner is absolutely right about the sad state of marriage in America. Re-defining marriage, of course, is not the answer.

Homosexuals are not the only ones who struggle with "the lusts of their flesh." Heterosexuals also struggle. God's word declares that He hates divorce, that He hates adultery, and that He hates fornication, too. Both homosexuals and heterosexuals struggle with physical attractions to people they should not engage in relationships with -- physically and emotionally. By the grace of God, we should turn from what God calls wickedness so we can walk in the blessing of holiness.
For you first, God raised up His Servant and sent Him to bless you by turning every one of you from your wicked ways.
Acts 3:26

Jesus can set you free
We all struggle against the lusts of the flesh. We all need a Savior every moment. Only Jesus can set us free!

A brief article claiming to be from a sister in Christ who struggles with homosexuality can be found here. It's worth reading in its entirety. The author of that particular note hits the nail on the head when she says (underline added for emphasis):

"To those of you who would change the church to accept the gay community and its lifestyle: you give us no hope at all. To those of us who know God’s word and will not dilute it to fit our desires, we ask you to read John’s letter to the church in Pergamum. “I have a few things against you: You have people there who hold to the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to entice the Israelites to sin by eating food sacrificed to idols and by committing sexual immorality. Likewise, you also have those who hold to the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Repent therefore!” You are willing to compromise the word of God to be politically correct. We are not deceived. If we accept your willingness to compromise, then we must also compromise. We must therefore accept your lying, your adultery, your lust, your idolatry, your addictions, YOUR sins. “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

"We do not ask for your acceptance of our sins any more than we accept yours."

This sister in Christ understands that her particular lusts and inclinations are wicked and evil. She also understands that everyone else's are, too.

Yours are. Mine are.

We can't start re-defining "sin" to make ourselves comfortable. That's idolatry.

What we need to do is repent. All of us. No longer be unbelieving, but believe.

And we need to keep speaking the truth in love. Even though the world will continue to hate us for it. Our love motivates us to tell them that without repentance and faith in Christ, no one will enter the kingdom of heaven.

If you saw someone eating poison, would you tell them?

What if it looked like they were really enjoying it? Would that make a difference to you?

Would it matter to you if they got mad at you? If they said, "This is who I am!"?

I'm hoping that you wouldn't be dissuaded. The love of Christ compels us to testify to the truth. The truth is that homosexuality is sin. The Bible teaches clearly that you cannot be a practicing homosexual and a follower of Jesus Christ (e.g. Romans 6:1-2; 1 Peter 2:24-25; Hebrews 10:26-27, 12:16-17, 25-29; and 1 John 1:6, 3:7-10).

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

This opinion may not be popular. But this declaration of God's standard was declared true by the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. God's standard is the only one that matters.

Therefore, having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring to men that all people everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead. Acts 17:30-31

We need Jesus to set us free from the various lusts and impulses of our flesh. All of us.

For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:22-25, NASB)

To be as clear as possible, my best advice is to continue speaking the truth. But do so as one who recognizes that you, too, are exceedingly wicked and in need of the transformative grace of God. We who know Jesus do not proclaim a message of superiority but of gratitude that we have found mercy and redemption at the expense of another: Jesus.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:17-21, NASB)

We want them to be saved in the same way we have been saved. Not by the righteous things we have done, but by the righteous act of the living God who wants none to perish but all to come to repentance (John 3:16; 2 Peter 3:9).

The Apostle Paul's advice to Titus is directly applicable to us in this situation:

Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men. For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy statement; and concerning these things I want you to speak confidently, so that those who have believed God will be careful to engage in good deeds. These things are good and profitable for men. (Titus 3:1-8, NASB)


P. Scott said…
Thanks for another great answer P. Joe. As one who has been "forced" to deal with this issue on a personal, ongoing, and intimate basis with dearly loved family members, I can concur that it isnt always easy to hold fast to the truth...but it is the absolute most loving and Christ like thing we can do. We arent doing anyone (even ourselves) any favor by "bending" or "ignoring" the truth in the name of tolerance or diversity. Truth is truth and it is the only thing that can set us free!
Jettie said…
Thank you so much, Pastors, for your thorough and always Biblical responses. I'm encouraged by your constant commitment to speak God's Truth, and your boldness in discussing sin. I like that you never shy away, even from the tough stuff!
Joe K. said…
P. Scott and Jettie,


The culture and ways of the world are hostile to God's truth, and when we "bend" or "compromise" we have already lost.

By standing for the truth, it may not make any difference in the culture at large ... but, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Despite the high divorce rates and breakdown of traditional family values, I can testify to the blessing of having a home ordered the way God describes. My family is the greatest blessing I've ever received, outside of salvation through Christ, and my home is a refuge.

The most tragic part is that those who are walking under the curse do not understand that what they are seeking is not what they really want!

Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 5:1-6, 6:23-28.
Emily said…
Thank you Pastor Joe and to whomever asked the question. With all that has been floating around as of recent on this topic, it had my mind swirling with how to respond and react. You make it all seem so clear again.
Joe K. said…
Hi Emily,

I'm glad this was helpful for you!

May the Lord give you the grace and wisdom you need to walk in love, even if the world hates you for it!


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